flow of things for now

hrmmm
been reading some u. s. anderson lately... interesting stuff from 1954. also finally getting around to the newer chuck klosterman that ive been meaning to get at for like a year. amber and i are both having trouble with the concepts of work and poverty manifesting into these obstacles for us. i wish i could say it's easy to be impoverished all of time, for even though we handle it with grace and even romanticize it for our bohemian selves, that doesn't mean it doesn't suck sometimes. we are having so many equipment related issues lately. we need so much music equipment, and most expensively a new com puter. we decided not to waste out money on another cheap pc, so were going to try to save up for an imac that will at least not physically crumble in our hands after a fortnight. weve also been having issues with managing our time in between periods working lots and then not working much. aaaand were trying to find ways to enrich and express co-existingly on our independent levels as well as collectively (as we have become so accustomed to). we have been reading more, writing more, trying to do more. i think we have been just waiting for this day to come when we can just wake up and have the place and all the stuff we need to do our art and music and writing and reading and expressing and impressing and etc etc. but if we keep putting that into the future, we'd be no different than any one else who does such things. i think we need to try to be the people we want to be / the people we already are - everyday. i think the lacking of materials and equipment is just getting used as an excuse for not doing this stuff, and i think its something we just have to overcome in what ever way necessary. we have access to computers at the school, or we have access to picking up shifts at work so we can save up for this shit. i decided that i'm going to do a day in the life of me. not what i do or what i have or who i have to be for anyone else, blah blah blah. i mean the person / spirit within me that i see and dream about. the person that i want to become outwardly that i already am inwardly. i don't need to save myself or any of my ideas for the future. those things are all brilliantly eternal and repleneshing and growing anew every moment. i won't spend myself. so, a day in the life of me. i want to start today, tomorrow, immediately, but i realizer that such an effort will wasted if not done whole heartedly, which could be hard when i'm serving tables for about half of the day. therefore i'm going to plan this on a full day off. i want to see what a day in the life of me is really like. until then weve been making an effort to make sure we are going out and supporting alot of local bands playin around and chattin it up with everyone in the scene. there are so many cool places at our disposal here in this city and we just don't utilize them enough, plus its good karma (vastly better put than networking, i think), and it's good inspiration.
whew! such a strange point in time for us! we are being tested and challenged in a big way, and though we have been hoping all along for everything to just break through and get a little easier, our intuition has told us that it will not happen this way. we have been overwhelmed and challenged by like seven fucking piercing swords but instead of running away even when we see no easy sailing, we pull out the magic fucking wands. ((just like the W.A.N.D.)) here's to us knowing what we are doing.