almost 5 in the morning

its nearly 5 in the morning and ive just arrived home from the studio at the school... again. this is getting insane i do not know when we will ever get some sleep. it is like week after week after week, just project after project. we pulled a genuine all nighter for our last printmaking project, working for 29 straight hours and then returning home at 10 AM to shower and go straight back up to class for the critique. this one seems worse because we've already stayed up this late tonight, and we've each got a tremendous amount of work to go. the crit is friday at 1130am. i have not even mixed inks yet let alone put any colors down, and weve got drawing project and sketchbooks due for our drawing class at 530pm today(thurs). since we have stayed up so late working tonight i don't know if i will have the steam to do the same tomorrow (although i must). and then we must work hard this weekend b/c we are short on the rent, and then we have a critique next wednesday for our web art class. too much... not cool.

sp qtr

we have studio classes every week day this quarter until 830pm except fri we get off at like 230. apparently our printmaking class is both extremely expensive and extremely time consuming. we are supposed to spend an extra 15-20 hrs a week outside of class working in the printmaking studios (not sure when we'll have time for that since we are basically in class all day every day but whatever). i guess we have some time on tuesday and thursday mornings to work on stuff. i'm excited about that class though, as we'll be learning tons of stuff like papermaking, lithography, screenprinting, etc etc etc. also we have a class that is sort of like web design combined with conceptual art. we are using the web as a medium for creating conceptual art, so for example interactive flash stuff, etc. tonite we have a life drawing class... you know the stereotypical nude figure drawing art school class. it'll be good as i've never been super great at drawing figures any other way than gesturally. plus i know amber will benefit because it'll be easier for her to sketch out her fashion and clothing designs. all of our classes are pretty exciting & definitely all going to be a lot of work. i got some more freelance work doing promo and live photos for a band. good to see that my portfolio is impressive to somebody. actually i think that i do a damn good job, and i don't have any trouble getting work when someone actually loks at my stuff, but perhaps i just am no good at networking - i don't know all of the right people like some folks. perhaps i need to learn how to be more sociable and charismatic. i don't know. i'm working on it. oh, we also found a model who needs promo photos done as well, and she'll probably be good to use in concept projects and such. she seems allright, has alternative / eclectic style, likes costume, and is not prudish. should work out just fine.

my mom is already asking me about grad school after this. i think she's worried we will be taking off too far away. she suggested cincinatti, but i know that we will not be staying in ohio. we havent really looked into a specific school but we're pretty much decided on where we are going. we haven't really gotten in to explaining this to our families or anything yet, because i'm not sure they would really understand at this point. amber's family thinks that columbus is too big a city and that we will be moving back to where they live when we are done with school here. i don't know why. my family thinks that we will stay here in columbus and get reasonable paying / somewhat-art-related jobs. i don't know why. i'm sure they would all be quick to point out that bigger cities cost a lot and that we already just scrape by here and that we will be far away from everyone, etc etc. we need to go where our careers/futures are both existant and respected, though. even in columbus people don't look at art (or music) as a real career. they think it is a hobby. so many people here just don't seem to care about anything. there are a few who do, but no matter how cool or amazing of a thing anyone does here, no one cares and everyone is super broke and defeated and they want to just sit and watch television and do what is comfortable. people outside of the village and campus are intolerant, prejudiced, and narrow minded- and we often forget that. columbus is cool but it's still ohio, i guess. anyway-

i'm getting new contacts and a pair of glasses on thursday. this is quite excellent because i havent been able to see properly now for a few months, having lost my glasses in abner the stationwagon years ago shortly before moving to canada, and also having just used up my last pair of contact lenses in december until they were not usable any longer and began scratching my eyes. since i am getting new glasses, i will be cutting my hair off a few weeks earlier than i usually would have. but it is okay. it is time anyway. speaking of hair, amber had me comb out most of the reat of her dreads the other night. we have been combing them out for a few weeks now (it is a long, difficult, painful process), but i just did the 9 on top this weekend. she has all straight hair except for three or four hiding underneath. i'm going to dye her roots for her today. i think she is pretty upset that she went ahead and took the top dreads out and wants me to put them back in. she does not want to look plain and she really liked having mostly straight hair around underneath and then the dreads around over top. ...... well she just kind of came bounding in and told me she's embracing her straight hair. she's trying on hats in the other room and playing with her hair and seems to be having a good time taking photos and such. she hasn't cried about her dreads at all today either. i guess we will see what she does ;)

ok that is all

finals

we have another final this afternoon and one tomorrow morning. we are not used to this since we are used to having studio work and finishing projects for critiques. studying is boring! i'm not good at memorization either, but we're almost through it all, and tomorrow night we celebrate!

almost spring

yayy- almost spring
wow a couple of weeks ago i felt like I was being stirred around by a giant supernatural spoon. now i think i'm definitely feeling the earth move beneath me. of course this is not necessarily bad- certainly changes are beginning- and changes are always good unless you try and fight them.

dreadful winter is finally over with and spring is starting to peek out. i want to enjoy all of the time we have left here in columbus, and i'm glad that we probably only have one or two more of these ohio winters before we are out of here. spring summer and fall we can deal with just fine, but winter is i'm trying not to get too anxious and live in the future or anything but i'm super excited about new york. i also know that we're not quite ready for it probably yet anyways, as we hardly utilize whats in the city around us, but hopefully we'll be doing more of that- i think were doing more of it already this year. anyways its still wonderful to think about and inspiring for me to enjoy the now as well.

i think maybe were going to skullys tonite and ravari on sat for the clampdown which was pretty cool last time. i've been wondering about going to ravari like next week b/c jacob and phil (& 2 others) are doing a weezer tribute show which will undoubtedly be awesome as everything they do is, but im still not sure what i think about it- guess ill just feel it out.

anyways glad this qtr is pretty much over. too much academic stuff! i'll be glad to get back to doing studio work :) and its getting to be much more fun and interesting and beneficial for us b/c we are getting so much deeper into the program that we are now into the more advanced classes and whatnot.

anyways im feeling pretty cheerful

at skullys the other night

80s music rules

so were about a month into the new year. i wanted really for some things to change this year. i wanted that last year too, and they did, although maybe not in the same ways i hoped or expected. this past year was really pretty full of surprises. many of the good, some bad, many interesting (but hard to say whether good or bad- maybe both).

got new phones

We got new fones after like 5 years of having these old dinosaurs. I'm posting this from my phone to see how well it works.

break

time for winter break. classes are over. this quarter was quite enjoyable. if only they could all be. next quarter may be a bit of a drag = no art classes. we couldnt sign up for classes because i hadnt paid all my tuition still (technically amber could have signed up but she waited for me). so now we are stuck taking some of our general eds. spring quater is gonna be the bomb tho. well do the opposite and take all art studio classes. were gonna try to get in a painting class with rob who we had for color theory this time.

Tonight.

Joy. I'm completely taken aback. As I watched him speak to a crowd of a million people I knew this was one of the most significant moments in my life. I have ever been as proud of my country as I am tonight. Watching Barack Obama speak I knew that he really was someone I could believe in- and I truly do- not just as a politician- but as a person who I believe cares about people- everyone including myself, my wife, my neighbors, my family, everyone I'll ever meet, everyone. I watched him speak strongly and eloquently about unity, and my streaming tears spoke as loudly as my smile, and still I couldnt speak a word.

I'm so happy that our country can now take a new direction, to move on past the divisive, hurting society that Amber and I have had to live in for our entire adult lives. This is the dawning of a new hope for this country.

I'm so proud of my country and of people everywhere. This moment has inspired me greatly- not just because he won, but because the people all around me have stood up and made it happen. I am proud of my peers, my elders, and all of the youth out there especially. Their voices and their minds and their hearts have opened and shed light on a dark time, filling it with a new hope. When we act with love, we truly can do anything.

"Yes we can."

psocial

going to a psocial tonite that andrew of mas bagua is putting on. its going to be on north campus. theyve got the aha collective and mas bagua playing and there is going to be raw food and oh man. we've got some chocolates from the deej. gonna be a crazy night

...reading and nervousness

holy shit man another show tonite! oh man when the thing started it was crazy- the cat that went up before us was real mellow and kinda like jack johnson-ish or maybe whats his name [ john mayer ] anyways i felt like we were gonna go up there and blast everyones ears compared t o him because everyone was chillin listening to his mellow accoustic groove and we were gonna be all loud. neither of us were nervous before hand. setting up the gear, i plugged everything in and since there wasn't a sound guy (pete was busy in the back cooking) the board had the vocal all the way up from the last dude- the mellow soft spoken one, but amber's pedal board was set too loud for it and it SCREEECH fed back like crazy! i freaked and ripped the cord out and was actually so embarrassed for the 1st couple songs that i almost couldn't hardly play. about halfway into the set, pete came out and fixed the monitors and the levels so we could hear what the hell we were doing, and i chilled out a little more and started playin better and not staring at my shoes :) anyways i thought the last 1/2 of the set sounded great. we got someone offering to play bass (& maybe his friend to drum) for us. i think he was experienced enough a listener to hear what was put into the music - also we had anne trippin to our stuff which was fucking cool. another mission accomplished.

hrmm so what to do with my life? everything seems to be falling into place right now and the usual hopeful but deep-down-disbelieving self seems to have given way once things have given that reassuring glimmer of hope that i have been waiting for and working for- for so long. i feel a sort of long-time-coming change has happened, but it seems to have happened less gradually than it maybe 'realistically' would- but after so much supression.
i feel like i've grown. i have a different perspective- seemingly everywhere- eyes, ears, mind, etc. it's exciting but also relieving. and i know that all the hard stuff isn't over. but i've got a reflection of progress as a faith booster/ i feel like i'm leaving finally on a journey that i've been planning for years and it's a bit scary but in a good way- the way it feels to start a new book, a new relationship, a new journey, a new road in life.
peace

happen

its all happening! so exhilarating- our efforts have not been for nothing- we are really doing it. now. we have not and will not take no for an answer, we wont back down and those seven swords can eat our fucking wand dust because we will stand and fight.

flow of things for now

hrmmm
been reading some u. s. anderson lately... interesting stuff from 1954. also finally getting around to the newer chuck klosterman that ive been meaning to get at for like a year. amber and i are both having trouble with the concepts of work and poverty manifesting into these obstacles for us. i wish i could say it's easy to be impoverished all of time, for even though we handle it with grace and even romanticize it for our bohemian selves, that doesn't mean it doesn't suck sometimes. we are having so many equipment related issues lately. we need so much music equipment, and most expensively a new com puter. we decided not to waste out money on another cheap pc, so were going to try to save up for an imac that will at least not physically crumble in our hands after a fortnight. weve also been having issues with managing our time in between periods working lots and then not working much. aaaand were trying to find ways to enrich and express co-existingly on our independent levels as well as collectively (as we have become so accustomed to). we have been reading more, writing more, trying to do more. i think we have been just waiting for this day to come when we can just wake up and have the place and all the stuff we need to do our art and music and writing and reading and expressing and impressing and etc etc. but if we keep putting that into the future, we'd be no different than any one else who does such things. i think we need to try to be the people we want to be / the people we already are - everyday. i think the lacking of materials and equipment is just getting used as an excuse for not doing this stuff, and i think its something we just have to overcome in what ever way necessary. we have access to computers at the school, or we have access to picking up shifts at work so we can save up for this shit. i decided that i'm going to do a day in the life of me. not what i do or what i have or who i have to be for anyone else, blah blah blah. i mean the person / spirit within me that i see and dream about. the person that i want to become outwardly that i already am inwardly. i don't need to save myself or any of my ideas for the future. those things are all brilliantly eternal and repleneshing and growing anew every moment. i won't spend myself. so, a day in the life of me. i want to start today, tomorrow, immediately, but i realizer that such an effort will wasted if not done whole heartedly, which could be hard when i'm serving tables for about half of the day. therefore i'm going to plan this on a full day off. i want to see what a day in the life of me is really like. until then weve been making an effort to make sure we are going out and supporting alot of local bands playin around and chattin it up with everyone in the scene. there are so many cool places at our disposal here in this city and we just don't utilize them enough, plus its good karma (vastly better put than networking, i think), and it's good inspiration.
whew! such a strange point in time for us! we are being tested and challenged in a big way, and though we have been hoping all along for everything to just break through and get a little easier, our intuition has told us that it will not happen this way. we have been overwhelmed and challenged by like seven fucking piercing swords but instead of running away even when we see no easy sailing, we pull out the magic fucking wands. ((just like the W.A.N.D.)) here's to us knowing what we are doing.

pirate

saw pirate tonite at skully's. the two bands that opened for them were ok. both seemed a little josh-y (our code for christians in disguise). were actually quite good at spotting them, and havent been wrong yet. pirate was good, people had pirate flags as well as flags for random countries that were being tossed about. they are doing a free show at the newport and shooting it for a music video next saturday that i think were going to go to. also ran into jake - just being himself as always. we might go check out the event he's promoting tomorrow night; after party following the gallery hop at high five. maybe.