... strangest two months. i don't know what to say. it seems as if the structures are folding and clearing room for something new. i've been doing so much writing and meditating... i feel like i'm so much in my head and i feel like a new person but its like the outside world isn't yet choosing to recognize it. i think i need a new environment again; maybe something as simple as a new job and some new friends and such. its so impossible by traditional logic that something can be so slow and so quick at the same time. well right now my thoughts are my guide and all i can do is pay attention to all of synchronicities. oddly, i have an incredibly positive feeling almost constantly, but every6thing is going a bit awry and out of control. perhaps the distinction between the internal world and the external is supposed to be telling me something also. well, enough of this vagueness. i'm off to do some journal writing.